Hello, internet! I am Winston Phasmatodea the Walking Stick! I am at the ripe old age of two, and my grandsticks wanted to show me this “Insectagram”. I live in North America, and I have family members who live on all of the continents, except for Antarctica. I used to send letters to my old friend who lived there, but he was always complaining about how cold it was. His name was Frederick the fly. Anyways, I am a master of disguise. I have looked at myself in a puddle once, and I must admit that I look exactly like a stick. My enemies could be sitting right next to me and they would never notice a thing. Many a time have I seen young and foolish walking sticks try to do what I do, but because they don’t have my level of patience, they always twitch or move and get eaten. I have many enemies, but I don’t give a heck. I am old, I have survived for this long, and I know that when I am perfectly still, I am almost invisible. A few of my enemies are birds, primates, spiders, rodents, reptiles, bats, and of course, humans. Also, unlike all of these new young sticks, I am not picky with my food. I will eat vines, leaves, berries, and whatever I can find.
Today was a decent day. I walked around and met up with a few old friends, Martha the Mosquito and Jack the Yellow Jacket. They are both good friends of mine, but I am pretty sure that both of them are crazy. One of them drinks blood and the other attacks humans for crying out loud! After we were done catching up, I went to my favorite restaurant, The Oak. I ordered their signature oak leaf salad with blueberry dressing and vines on the side. It was very good, I recommend trying it out some time. After I had finished eating, I went for a nice relaxing walk. Unfortunately, my walk was interrupted by one of my thousands of children. I asked Wanda what she wanted, and she said that if I babysat her kids and at least half of them were still alive by the end of the day, she would give me a coupon to The Oak. I agreed, obviously. I went to her tree and sat on a branch close to her mob of one thousand annoying children. It wasn’t the worst experience I had ever had with them. They showed me how to use insectagram, and how to do stik tok dances. I chose the less annoying half of all the children and taught them how to use camouflage. I didn’t care about the other half. Later, about halfway through the experience, I saw a flock of bluebirds flying overhead. The sticks I had taught all knew what to do, but the ones I didn’t teach had no idea. They were running all around, and four of the bluebirds came down to eat them. When my daughter came back, she didn’t care, because the ones who got eaten were all super annoying, and she has five hundred other perfectly fine children. I used my coupon the very next day.
Dear Savana,
you did a great job acting as if you were the amazing walking stick. I like the story that you put into it, it was fun. I love the ability they have don’t you? To be able to camouflage like that is pretty cool!! I think you did. a great job and keep it up.
Savannah – I have read this over and over because I knew I was missing a lot of the inside “Stik Toc” jokes. SO many hilarious and accurate analogies I can’t even stand it. If you could come up with some kind of career that uses your creativity and humor you could make a lot of money! I so enjoyed this:)